


afterglow

by orphan_account



Category: Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Angst, F/M, Freeform, Masturbation, Psychological Trauma, Swearing, Touch-Starved, all lowercase bc aesthetic, avoidant to touch n stuff, even tho theres masturbation kaz is still rly like, hahah, i love kaz gn, inej love of my life, kaz is emo and whipped for inej, kaz is obsessed with inej, six of crows & crooked kingdom spoilers !!!, tbh this is just me crytyping kanej word vomit, this is just kaz simping over inej tbh, um..
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:13:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26000956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: when it came to inej, kaz was no longer the highly respected member of one of ketterdam's most notorious gangs, he was just a boy again. he was kaz rietveld.
Relationships: Jesper Fahey/Wylan Van Eck, Kaz Brekker/Inej Ghafa
Comments: 1
Kudos: 52





	afterglow

**Author's Note:**

> hi i just rly luv kanej and idk this happened also im in love with inej ghafa !! title is from the song afterglow by the driver era <3

**_oh no away she goes, the way she knows, she's leaving me in afterglow._ **

kaz brekker has never really fallen in love before, not until a certain spider managed to scale his barricades the size of skyscrapers and crawl through the cracks he hadn’t realized he even possessed. countless men wanted access to kaz’s fractures, to be able to tell just what needed to be done to make the boy break and yet inej so easily discovered his weaknesses, his faults, his trips and slip ups, she knew what it took to devastate dirtyhands, that his gloves weren’t some edgy gimmick but protection for his greatest fault. the one flaw he couldn’t swindle his way out of with clever word choices and schemes only a mind as dark as his could construe. she saw what nobody else could see, effortlessly, unintentionally. 

then again, she was wraith, it was her specialty. it’s what she did best. she knew kaz brekker best. 

he didn’t mind her knowing. it was relieving if anything. being cold and closed off all the time could be quite tiresome, and even if he did try, she’d see right through it, keeping things away from the acrobat was something kaz brekker couldn’t do, and there wasn’t much kaz brekker couldn’t do. no job was impossible for dirtyhands if the _kruge_ spoke to him, that’s how all of this began anyways hadn’t it? his greed, hunger for power, lack of attention to details. he trusted van eck, took on an impossible assignment without doing his homework and it cost him his spider. this was ketterdam, no one could be trusted, a man’s word meant nothing. that’s how things worked, kaz knew that. but when inej got roped into the equation, his decisions strayed farther from logic, instead polluted with emotion. it made him sick. 

losing inej was the first time he felt real genuine anger since he’d seen jakob hertzoon for the first time wearing his pekka rollins persona, not recognizing the boy who’s life he carelessly tore to shambles, glossing over kaz’s face as if he was just any other person in the crowd. he hadn’t craved revenge, cold-blood murder, to absolutely obliterate a man’s skull, since jordie passed. a hunger he reserved solely to pekka rollins. that was, until inej was whisked away right before him. 

van eck was the only other man he knew he needed to shatter completely. whether it was humiliation from being scammed so blatantly, bested at his own game, or if it was the loss of inej, his mind flooded with violent thoughts of wylan’s father. how he would tear him apart limb by limb, castrate him, spit on his corpse and light him aflame. 

_nobody_ makes a fool out of kaz brekker, more importantly, nobody makes a fool of his girl. van eck doubted not only kaz, the dregs, but inej especially. undermining her strength, imagining her to be a docile hostage. she’d spent years of her life imprisoned to satisfy men in suits just as crip as van eck’s. kaz would be sure to give inej that man’s head and his money and with it, he’d get inej the ship she’d always wanted.

kaz brekker did make mistakes, but in the grand scheme of things, it was only one faulty move of a chess piece. he’d still come out victorious in the end, he always did. inej got the ship she wanted, and when she felt ready, van eck’s head was hers to take. 

when it came to inej, he felt like a school boy, his exterior as a highly respected member of the notorious gang dregs stripped away. he was just a boy again, not kaz brekker, but kaz rietveld. 

it terrified him.

it wasn’t her attraction, her appeal that he feared. others in the past have piqued his attention. there was a time in his life he would lay restlessly in bed, wondering what saskia’s lips would feel like against his. 

the thought makes him retch in disgust now. her lips would taste like nothing but poisonous ink. 

he was terrified of the cognac skin of inej’s arms that he longed to caress, the runaway hairs he’d tuck behind her ear, the warmth of her thighs against his when they sat beside one another. her smile, it reminded him he had a heart after all, thundering in his chest, twisting it up into knots just to untie them moments after with the sound of her laughter. he’d do absolutely anything to see it again and again, an addiction he’d never own up to, a high so euphoric it knocked the wind out of him. 

  
  


he never thought of anyone the way he thought of inej. 

he tries not to let thoughts of her make him rusty, slow down the flicks of his wrists when he shuffles cards, soften the harden features of his face when some razorgull bastard lands a solid hit on his wraith. because he can’t let them know that she’s his weakness, she’d be in even more danger than she already was. getting involved with a convict like dirtyhands was a death sentence for many, whether it was as allies or as enemies. where kaz went, death followed. 

kaz vowed he’d never allow his spider to meet the same fate.

if inej were to die, it would be for what she believed in, not by the hands of a street thug with hopes of building a name for himself _. the man who took down dirtyhands’ spider_. it’d be a badge of honor, getting wraith off the streets and out from the dark crooks and crannies of ketterdam would do many favors. with all that she knew, with all that she had the potential of uncovering, countless of convoluted crooks like van eck and pekka rollins couldn’t bear their fangs without fear. 

she was the foundation that kept him together, the glue that kept him intact. his best schemes, or _kaz’s greatest hits_ as jesper liked to call it, all included the suli girl who just couldn’t seem to abandon his thoughts. 

_out of sight out of mind_. 

it was a solution for many. van eck’s reasoning to ridding his illiterate son from his life, the mantra nina repeated to herself when cravings for _jurda parem_ itched at her like a terrible rash. for kaz brekker, out of sight most definitely did not mean out of mind. inej was rarely even in his sights, just a mere presence, the faintest patter of footfalls he’d trained his ears to pick up. 

she still waltzed into his thoughts unannounced whenever she pleased. she became his normality, even when the tides pushed and pulled her away from him, distant but still close no matter how far the vast true sea divided them. it was the one thing he requested from her before she boarded _wraith,_ pulling her hands into his own, he asked her with a voice he hadn’t heard in years, not since he was kaz rietveld.

“promise me, inej.” he swallowed, trying his hardest not to avert his eyes away from hers. “you’ll come back.” he hates how broken he sounds, he’s _dirtyhands_ for saint’s sake. inej’s lips curled ever so slightly at that, relief and adoration washing over her in tandem. it was barely even a smile, but kaz’s heart stuttered all the same. 

“i promise.” she reassured, kaz released a breath he hadn’t known he was holding in, looking at her with so much affection it almost scared her. 

kaz can’t imagine something more terrifying than losing her. 

he didn’t need to use words, not with inej. she knew how he felt, it reflected in those mischievous eyes of his that always softened at the sight of her. 

brekker only managed to caress her cheek with a gloved hand, despite every fibre of his being urging him to do more, to hold her in his arms and kiss her till he felt her breath in his lungs. for now, he’d kiss her cheek, though it was more a faint brush than anything. his lips were cold, but her skin was warm. inej was always warm. 

he thought of her smile every night before he slept, and longed to hear her laugh with every morning he would arise. his noses scrunches in distaste at the realization, _when did he become such a softy?_

wylan and jesper did nothing to help, the two idiotic love birds only managed to make his longing for inej all the more worse. they were sickeningly sweet to the point where kaz’s teeth ached, always touching whether it was intertwined hands or shoulders brushing against one another. jesper was never one to care very much for any lingering eyes, hushed whispers and even repulsed scowls. the glances he was used to, he was practically a giant amongst the kerch it was a given. the whispers? he only hoped they were complimenting his good looks. and as for the looks of disgust,

“jealousy is a disease, get well soon.” his simple reply, he earned nothing but an eye roll from kaz. 

“what do you have that anyone could ever be possibly jealous of?” 

“i have a curly red headed illiterate virtuoso to blush at my every remark.” kaz raised his eyebrow, unconvinced. “and he sucks my dick.” jesper added, grinning despite wylan’s scream in horror. kaz feels bile climbing up his throat. 

“talk about your penis again fahey, please, it’ll go down wylan’s throat much smoother when i cut it in half.” jesper recoils for a moment at the thought, wylan only hides his face in his hands in humiliation.

“alright, forget my dick. how has yours been? inej’s been out for quite some time now, have you gotten around to dusting away those cobwebs in between your balls by any chance?” 

“jesper!” his boyfriend attempted to hush him, slapping a hand over his mouth in terror of brekker’s retaliation, but much to wylan’s surprise, kaz somehow looked amused. 

“i’ll get around to dusting mine when you get around to properly scrubbing yours clean. wylan giving you the sloppy toppy isn’t a bath, jesper.” 

kaz didn’t wait for jesper’s reply. all that was heard was the tapping of his cane against the van eck’s marble flooring, echoing down the hall until it faded into nothingness. 

that night, kaz thought about inej in ways he didn’t want to. in ways he felt guilty for. he thought about how smooth the skin at her stomach looked when she stretched, how warm she felt against his lips. she always felt so warm. such a contrast to the bleak, dry, cold of ketterdam. 

he knew she’d feel warm around him. whether it was her lips, or where their bodies conjoined as one, or her chest pressed bare against his own. kaz touched himself to thoughts of inej, remembering the thrumming of her pulse against his lips, how she called his name, whimpered it. he wanted inej more than he wanted anything. what was inej doing at this hour? certainly not touching herself to the thought of a crippled monster like brekker, right? 

but what if she was? kaz thought. what if she laid in her bed with her hand through her undergarments, clenching tightly around her pretty skinny fingers, imagining they were his? imagining it was him filling her up? what would she sound like? would she say his name again, just like she did that day when he tended to her bandages? kaz’s thrusts into his hand became more and more reckless, uncoordinated, his brain short-circuiting as he relentlessly chased after his high. the rope in his abdomen growing tighter and tighter with every image his mind conjured up of her. inej, his acrobat, his spider, his everything was balancing on the cord like a tightrope. 

he came all over his hand and chest, exhausted, sedated almost. inej was a drug, he had to have more of her. he needed more of her. 

when he sees inej again, he attempts to hug her, just like jesper and wylan did. it wasn’t a big deal, this is what normal people did. 

leaning forward to pull her into his embrace, he didn’t fail to notice inej’s reluctance, taken aback, contemplating if this was alright before finally giving in and wrapping her arms around his neck. it was nice, until her hand brushed against the nape of his neck and the moment was ruined. her skin was cold. he pushed her away from him, much harsher than he intended. inej didn’t lose her footing very often, she never lost her balance. she fell with thud. jesper was quick to run to her aid, wylan in tow. 

they didn’t bother to comfort dirtyhands, what could they do anyways? 

face burning, throat closing up, eyes stinging. kaz couldn’t breathe, the look of hurt and guilt taking over her features replaying again and again in his mind and he hated himself for it. he hated himself so fucking much. 

he wanted to hold her, feel her warmth and inhale her scent of honey. but all he felt was saltwater stinging against his eyes and flooding his lungs. all he smelled was the decaying flesh of jordie. 

once inej was back on her feet she didn’t hesitate to approach him, and though she had no clue how to comfort him, she managed to do so anyway. her words tethered him back to earth, they always did. 

it was too soon for him, and even if it wasn’t, he was clueless on where inej stood with all of this herself. inej was willing to wait, just as he was willing to wait for her. 

kaz loves her. so very much. he hopes she knows that despite the fact that he can’t express it physically and he’d never express it verbally. and yet, he somehow hopes that she knows. 

and she does, because she was his spider, his wraith. 

inej knew kaz better than he knew himself. 

**Author's Note:**

> *screams into the void*


End file.
